by Lacey Tomlinson
“Motherhood Solidified my Pro-Choice Beliefs” is the second runner up of our “Reproductive Freedom” Essay Contest. Judge Kim Coates shares why she chose Tomlinson’s essay:
I appreciate how Lacey Tomlinson discusses the experience of pregnancy itself as so often that is glossed over in conversations about abortion care. Tomlinson draws painful awareness to the experience and temporality of pregnancy as a unique physical state. She pushes back against overly positive stereotypes of pregnancy, noting that even in wanted pregnancies the experience can be excruciating. As Tomlinson writes, “I was not glowing, I was suffering.” As she makes clear, requiring this suffering from unwilling persons is enforced torture. Tomlinson unflinchingly points out that abortion bans result in required torture, loss of autonomy, and loss of freedom for women and pregnant people. The essay urges reader to talking about abortion and work together so the majority can fight back the extreme minority attempting to deprive women of full personhood in this country.
In 7th grade, we had to give a persuasive speech about a topic. I frankly, cannot remember what I presented on, but I do remember a classmate presenting on being pro-life, and anti-abortion. As a 7th grader, I was persuaded, why in the world would anyone ever get an abortion?
Looking back now, my teacher was either remarkable or terrible to let this speech happen. I appreciate her giving a voice to a topic that, at that point, but should a 7th grader be the one to convince their classmates what is “right” in an individual choice.
I can’t pinpoint when my stance changed. Probably in later high school, when I could see the complexities of relationships, societal pressures, and confusion around sex. At that point, I went the more libertarian route, not my body, not my place to tell someone what to do with it.
Every once in a while the topic would come up, and I would stay quiet. Not wanting to rock the boat. You see, I am the quintessential, good white lady. I was all about making the most people around me comfortable. This means avoiding difficult subjects, staying quiet when those subjects come up, and trying to guide the conversation elsewhere, so we can avoid the unpleasantness. I did start to step outside this mold more and more, as I could not stand when I heard things that were factually incorrect.
My Pregnancy Experience
Then, I got pregnant with my first child. It was a planned and wanted pregnancy. It was still some of the most difficult months of my life. In case you didn’t know, pregnancy isn’t a magical, beautiful process for some women. We can joke about throwing up every once in a while, but often we talk of pregnant women as goddesses with a glow.
I was not glowing, I was suffering.
My nausea started right away and is what triggered me to take a pregnancy test. I threw up all the time. My “morning” sickness didn’t stop after the first trimester, I had probably 4 weeks in the middle of my pregnancy where I felt good. I lost weight in my pregnancy because of the inability to keep food down.
My body also has something that makes me pass out more frequently than other people. It’s actually quite common in women. My passing out symptoms looked almost identical to the pregnancy symptoms I had. This means, not only was I vomiting, but I was also passing out regularly.
Fun fact, in case you didn’t know, pregnancy makes you more likely to pee your pants. I would pee my pants almost every time I threw up later in my pregnancy. So if you’re keeping track daily, for months, I threw up, peed my pants, and passed out.
Not done yet, at 8 months I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. This meant I had to poke myself 6 times a day, monitor my diet even though I could barely eat because I was throwing up (and all the food that I could stomach was the food I shouldn’t eat), and take multiple pills at all times of the day/night.
You’d think my body would be like yes, get this baby out of me and labor and delivery would be a breeze. But I think, as maybe you can predict, it wasn’t for me. I had 2 weeks straight of unproductive labor that was basically contractions every 3 or 4 minutes with no cervix dilation. I needed to have a c-section because my baby was too big, and then ended up having a hemorrhage after my c-section which left me on the verge of needing a blood transfusion the entire time I was in the hospital, which meant I passed out every time I got up to go to the bathroom.
But, I had my baby, and loved him more than I could ever imagine. I did decide it was worth it, and I made the choice again 2 years later to have another child.
So take all the above, add in throwing up multiple times a day the entire pregnancy, a toddler to take care of, worse gestational diabetes, so I had to do insulin injections 6 times a day, and then a spinal tap during my labor. This one is fun – so they accidentally went too far in my spinal for my epidural and created a little hole in my spinal column that made spinal fluid leak. Every time I stood up, I got a bad enough headache I couldn’t see from pain. To fix it, they had to take blood from my arm and inject it in my spinal column to patch it.
I was not glowing, I was suffering.
I love my children. I chose my children, but this experience solidified for me that a woman should never be forced to go through that. It was torture. If we poked prisoners 12 times a day with a needle and had them throw up daily, it would be considered cruel and unusual torture. Forcing women to go through pregnancies they do not want, is punishment and torture.
Not allowing a woman safe and healthy access to abortion, lays the foundation for treating women like incubators and determining that they can go through cruel and unusual punishment. And that is unacceptable.
Finding I was not Alone
The Dobb’s Decision shattered me. I live in a state where an abortion ban went into effect that week. I knew that my friends were in the same space as me, but I was shocked to find, that most of my family was as well. To get messages from my sisters and mother of outrage made me realize that I wasn’t alone.
Remember, we are good white ladies, we don’t talk about abortion because it is an unpleasant topic. We also are a family that come from Catholicism and is very much in “red” territory. I thought I knew where everyone stood, and I was the minority. Boy, was I wrong.
We ended up seeing each other that weekend and talked about it at length. Some of my family members were surprised (and even a little offended) that I assumed they would support the decision. They found the decision as concerning and backwards as well. And this gave me hope.
You are not Alone
I want to take that hope and grow it. I want it to reach everyone who is scared. Not only that, but I intend to use it to get back the rights for our bodies.
My experience may sound extreme, and yes, it was, but I was still considered a relatively normal and healthy pregnant woman. I can’t even imagine if there are additional complications! We don’t know what a pregnancy is going to look like ahead of time, even past pregnancies could be easy and a subsequent one more challenging.
This doesn’t even consider the abysmal level of maternal care and access for individual, especially people of color. I also am a woman with all kinds of privilege who was able to work with her employer to stay employed during this time. Most people would not have been able to do that, leading to so many financial complications and consequences. I also had the support of a wonderful partner and family. Not all pregnant people will have that.
I don’t need to discuss circumstances or when an abortion should or should not be ok because those things don’t matter, in my opinion. Women and their lives matter. Access to safe and legal abortions, matter.